Hushabye Mountain
by Late For The Sky
Summary: Only the Pied Piper of Atlantis can save the day! Only problem, who is it? Written for the kidfic challenge on SGA flashfiction.


Total chaos reigned in the Gate room. Papers were strewn everywhere, bits and pieces of foodstuffs had been left abandoned in corners, and there was a large, unidentifiable stain that Rodney didn't even want to to think about.

'How did this happen again?' John asked, dodging a flying pillow.

Rodney sighed exasperatedly. 'Collins managed to activate a device that promised "renewed youth". He thought it was something the Ancients were using for research into Ascension, since apparently kids have always been viewed as less complex than adults, therefore making it easier to Ascend. _Supposedly_ it was just supposed to give the user a less complicated outlook on life, but then _this_ happened.' He said, waving an expansive hand at the scene before them.

'And it's only the non-ATA gene carriers?'

'For some unknown reason, yes. Somehow, I don't think the device worked as well as the Ancients would've lik-' Rodney got cut off by a squealing Teyla, who was running away from Ronon, alternately giggling madly and shouting. All those affected were somewhere between the ages of five and seven, so it was more or less a madhouse of kindergarten and first-grade proportions. Radek was busily drawing birds on a large piece of cardboard with a sharpie, his flyaway brown hair even more mussed than usual, while Elizabeth was hiding in her office, not wanting to quote "get messed from the icky boys". Luckily, the 'gene carriers had managed to corral most of the kids into the 'Gate room, Rodney performing a neat trick of only allowing the transporters to let a person use them if they were gene carriers, be it artificial or not. The 'Gate room was sealed off from the rest of Atlantis via an override with the quarantine doors, which effectively kept the kids in one place.

'What's the headcount?' John asked Carson, who had approached them, skirting around the various younglings. The Scot looked bone-weary, having had to deal with a constant stream of bruises and bumps incurred by the altered scientist and Marines.

'We're only missing one right now.' He replied, sighing. 'Doctor Barnes. No one's seen her, and I was hoping you two might know where she might be.'

Rodney shook his head, but John looked thoughtful. 'Have you checked with Lorne?' he asked, scanning the room for his second-in-command. 'She seemed to have taken a shine to him when this all began.'

'True.' Carson replied, ignoring Rodney's patented eye-roll and snort of disbelief. 'I'll try calling him.' He stretched his arms behind his back, trying to work out some of the kinks in his spine. 'I'll be happy when Erin is grown back up; I need to get adjusted.'

'Erin?'

'Doctor Reingold.' Rodney replied to John's query. 'She's the Expedition chiropractor.'

'I didn't know we had a chiropractor.'

'We have a physical therapist. Why wouldn't we have a chiropractor? Besides, proper back alignment is crucial to your health. Do you have any idea what a slipped disc can do to your stature?' Rodney said, flailing slightly.

'Wait a minute. You call Carson's medical training "voodoo", but you're perfectly fine with a chiropractor?' John asked suspiciously.

'Hey, chiropractic and massage therapy have a long and rich history.' Rodney retorted, crossing his arms.

'So does medicine.'

'Please. I prefer a more _natural_ way to get my body healthy, not rely on someone's science experiment with bread mould.'

'Gentlemen, before you get into a "serious" fight, shouldn't we find out where Doctor Barnes is?' Carson interrupted, a stern look on his face. John blinked, and then grinned sheepishly.

'Yeah. Hang on a sec.' He tapped at his earpiece and then spoke. 'Lorne, do you know where Doctor Barnes is?'

It took a moment for Lorne to reply, but when he did, his voice was curiously hushed.

'Yeah, I do.' He murmured. 'She's sleeping in one of the robotics labs right off the 'Gate room. Should I bring her to the rest of the group?'

'It'd be helpful.' John said, tapping his fingers against his hip. 'Can you move her without waking her? We've set up one of the conference rooms as a "quiet room".'

'Which one?' Lorne asked; the sounds of clothes rustling in the background telling the other men that he was moving around.

'B.' John told him.

'Okay. I'll take her there, then. Lorne out.' Lorne signed off, and John shut of his com piece as well.

'Well, that's all of them, then. How long are the effects supposed to last?' he asked Rodney.

'Well, it's only temporary, so maybe four more hours, max?' the physicist replied. 'Just in time for supper.' He shuddered at a thought. 'God, I'm glad we don't have to feed all of them ourselves.'

John smirked, and Carson gave a weak chuckle. 'I'm going to go sit down before I fall over.' The doctor told the other two. 'See you two around.' He gave a small wave goodbye and then went off, weaving in and out of the groups of children.

-Two Hours Later-

Halfway through the estimated time left in what John had mentally dubbed "The Great Kid Escapade" in his mind, he made his way to the "quiet room" as part of his rounds. Quietly opening one of the door panels, he slipped into the dimly lit room to find his second in command singing softly to the children within. A grin tweaked his lips as he listened to Lorne's rendition of "Hushabye Mountain" from _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_. It wasn't half-bad, actually. He sat down in one of the chairs that had been moved to the edge of the room, just enjoying the song. After two repetitions of the song, Lorne fell silent, carefully stepping around the sleeping bodies on the floor. He made his way towards John, and then sat down next to him. 'Hi.' John said softly. 'I see you've been made den mother.'

Lorne chuckled. 'I volunteered, sir. Besides, this is currently one of the quietest places in the whole city. If it means I have to sing a few songs to keep it that way, I'm not really complaining.'

'I didn't know you liked musicals.'

'Yeah, well, _Chitty _is my nephews' favorite one, and that song always helps them get to sleep.' Lorne said softly. 'I figured that if it helped the boys, since they're just a bit younger then this age, it might just help them.' He waved a hand at the sleeping forms on the ground in front of them.

'Good choice. Well, I'm going to head back out into the fray. McKay's starting to get a bit antsy. He says he'll be glad when this is all over.' John stood, straightening out his shirt.

'Yeah, I'm sure we all will be.' Lorne replied, standing as well. 'Give my regards to the others, okay?'

'Will do, Major.' John nodded tersely and then left, careful not to make too much noise. The door slid shut behind him, muffling the first few strains of "Feed the Birds" from _Mary Poppins_. John shook his head, wondering what other talents Lorne had. Perhaps they should start calling him the Pied Piper of Atlantis-though without the whole rat thing, as well as taking away the kids when he didn't get paid. John nodded. Yeah, that'd work. Evan Lorne, Pied Piper of Atlantis.


End file.
